Look, another Part Two of a regular feature! I'm on a roll this week.
I was reading this excellent Shakesville post a while ago, and my intention was to use it to start a post of my own about the American elections. However, I took a glance at the comments first. Most of them are, for some unfathomable reason, by one guy banging on about Ralph Nader. The post doesn't mention Ralph Nader, but apparently this funny little man has absolutely nothing to say about anything else. Considering the original post was so interesting, this really annoys me, but someone used the term "naderbot" to describe him, and I'm always on the market for funny new words.
Because ScriptFrenzy is in progress (I refer to mine as Rent meets Yes Minister), I immediately thought of a whole chorus of Naderbots who show up at inopportune moments and sing about something irrelevant. They're going into my script as a chorus of protesters who turn up and sing about how great Ralph Nader is, despite the fact that they're in England and Nader has nothing to do with British politics. I foresee the Naderbots as a great recurring feature in my writing (what better way to pad out a Screnzy or NaNo?) - always referred to as Naderbots but given a new subject for each story. In NaNo '08, the Naderbots may sing about kettles. Screnzy '09? Punctuation. Dammit, I really want to write songs about punctuation.
Naderbot is soon to enter my everyday life as a term for someone who, no matter what is going on around him, talks about his chosen subject and only his chosen subject. No segues, no lame attempts to link it to the conversation at hand, nothing. In such a situation, Ralph Nader may be brought into the conversation as shown:
Naderbot: Blah blah chosen subject blah did you know that [insert crap fact] blah.
You: You know who's great? Ralph Nader.
Naderbot: What does that have to do with [chosen subject]?
You: Ralph Nader cares about the planet. How cool is that?
Naderbot: Oh. [chosen subject] blah blah.
You: Nader is awesome on Bacon-lettuce with cheese issues.
Naderbot: ?
You: Nader is not God, because we Nader supporters do not believe in a God, or Gods, or any master real or imagined.
Naderbot: !
Also, please note the original Naderbot's highly amusing outrage that he is not getting props from the feminists despite his support of sex-selective abortion in the third world. I kind of think he's a bored kid who thinks he's a satirist, but I really hope not. I took all the Nader-based quotes except the first one directly from the Naderbot, and I so want to believe there's someone in the world who genuinely speaks like this. I love the Naderbot. I'm having so much fun with this. He keeps referring to "imperialism" and "empire" (Naderbot thinks he's in Star Wars! and Nader rhymes with Darth Vader! Spooooky.) and anyone who disagrees with Nader not only isn't a progressive, but HATES progressives. That's his entire response to any contradiction.
Naderbot fun:
"Nader has sacrificed for us all, yet we show no gratitude."
"Jesus was a socialist, if he could get himself to vote...it would be for Nader."
"Deride, deride me if you must. But you know I speak the TRUTH!"
"Why do you turn your back on Ralph? Is it because he's Lebanese! You racist bastard."
"Your aloofness is very un-progressive. I also like Progressive Rock."
"Dude, I'm not gay, but I would blow you if you promised to vote for Nader."
There will never again be such an entertaining spammy troll.
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13 comments:
hey tis I vote-nader, I am glad you were amused by what I said, but I was just trying to widen the discussion, why limit and constrain oneself into a conventional framework, Nader is a real option, I bet if you were reading a speech by him, with his blacked out, you would agree with most of what he would have to say, but he's some what infamous to judicious liberals like you, you won't listen to what he and others like him have to say.
for british politics, I would support George Galloway, He really ripped congress a new one, when they brought him in for questioning due to his Iraqi charity work. You should do a search "galloway senate hearing" and you will be proud of your countryman.
vote-nader
He keeps referring to "imperialism" and "empire" (Naderbot thinks he's in Star Wars! and Nader rhymes with Darth Vader! Spooooky.)
Empire is a common word used to describe a nation with military bases all over the world, interfering in other countries internal affairs. You are British, surely you are aware of your history, there was a time when the sun wouldn't set on the British empire, because "God" wouldn't trust the English in the dark. You should Read Robert Fisk.
Why do you make light of my bringing up the horrible conditions that desperate people live in throughout the world? Do find their suffering amusing?
vote-nader
I did not imply that people who did not support Nader were not progressive, or that such people hate progressives, because they could throwing their support behind dennis kucinich, or cynthia mckinney, but if they gave support to or even expressed satisfaction with the three candidates left in contention for the general election, I earnestly questioned why they supported them, when they have done or have aided in doing, or have openly stated that they want to preserve unjust and harmful policies to the detriment of their domestic constituents and their foreign imperial subjects. Why do they support such people, why do they defend them, when they don't even believe that they are progressives?
I am quite disheartened by your response and similar reactions from people who seem to be like you.
"what seems to me a very, in a sense terrifying aspect of our society, and other societies, is the equanimity and the detachment with which sane, reasonable, sensible people can observe such events. I think that's more terrifying than the occasional Hitter or LeMay or other that crops up. These people would not be able to operate were it not for this apathy and equanimity. And therefore I think that it's in some sense the sane and reasonable and tolerant people who should-who share a very serious burden of guilt that they very easily throw on the shoulders of others who seem more extreme and more violent." Noam Chomsky
vote nader
I'm going to attempt a minimal amount of education here, Lord knows why. In order to support George Galloway, you have to live in a very specific area of London. Also, you have to ignore the time he went on TV in a bright red Lycra catsuit and pretended to actually be a cat.
It's not suffering I find amusing, it's your phrasing. You say "There was a time when the sun wouldn't set on the British empire because God wouldn't trust the English in the dark" as though it actually happened as opposed to it being a quote someone made up to be disparaging about the English. I love that you say "there was a time" as though God actually said, "Hmmm, I don't trust these English. Better keep the sun up." That's extremely amusing. Sorry.
Jen, it was a saying not to be taken literaly. Because "Great" Britain was an Empire. That IS WHY THEY CALLED IT THE BRITISH EMPIRE! GET IT? Do you honestly believe the US hasn't take over the role that the English abdicated, after germany almost kicked your asses twice.
vote-nader
What is wrong with gorgeous george parading around in tights on big-brother-uk? he was such a radical that they kicked him out of labour! i also like that old brit that was in the latest michael moore movie, sicko. And if supporting galloway means living in a specific part of london, then dammit woman, MOVE!
vote-nader
Darling, I'm well aware it's not meant to be taken literally. My point was that you phrased it as though it was meant to be taken literally. And there's no way on earth I'd vote for a man who skips out on the House of Commons for two weeks to appear on a reality TV show. You may vote based on flouncing rhetoric (Galloway? Nader? Never done a damn useful thing in their lives, either one), but I prefer to vote for people who actually do things.
Oh, and you're not being funny enough. If you want to keep posting here, be funnier.
"Galloway? Nader? Never done a damn useful thing in their lives, either one"
You really want to stand by this statement?
No great research project is needed to refute your claim.
From Wiki:
In 1999 an NYU panel of eminent journalists ranked Nader's book Unsafe At Any Speed 38th among the top 100 pieces of journalism of the 20th century.[14] In 1990 Life Magazine,[15] and again in 1999 Time Magazine,[16][17] named Nader one of the 100 most influential Americans of the 20th century. In its December 2006 article on the "100 most influential Americans" in history, in which its ten invited historians voted Nader 96th.
Amazon:
In 1966, General Motors, the most powerful corporation in the world, sent private investigators to dig up dirt on an obscure thirty-two year old public interest lawyer named Ralph Nader, who had written a book critical of one of their cars, the Corvair. The scandal that ensued after the smear campaign was revealed launched Ralph Nader into national prominence and established him as one of the most admired Americans and the leader of the modern Consumer Movement. Over the next thirty years and without ever holding public office, Nader built a legislative record that is the rival of any contemporary president. Many things we take for granted including seat belts, airbags, product labeling, no nukes, even the free ticket you get after being bumped from an overbooked flight are largely due to the efforts of Ralph Nader and his citizen groups.
vote nader.
What have Clinton/Obama/McCain ever done?
I wasn't trying to be funny, but that fat lady who wrote about Obama not being progressive, and implying Clinton was. Well I agreed with half her sentiment, so I let it be known that you want a TRUE PROGRESSIVE, we know where to find one, if that is what you really want.
"Oh, and you're not being funny enough. If you want to keep posting here, be funnier."
I'm just very tired, very tired of being funny, very tired of entertaining you, since all my efforts only result in your vacant mind unable to comprehend my genius wit, but still wanting me to fill it's emptiness with my brilliant humor that you couldn't possibly create yourself.
vote-nader
Not funny enough. "Fat lady" comment unnecessary. Can't be arsed with you anymore.
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