Thursday, 20 November 2008

Why Is This News?

(I wonder if this may become a depressingly regular feature.)

John Sergeant has left Strictly Come Dancing. For the international reader: a man who can't dance very well has left a show about dancing because he couldn't dance very well. And not only is this news, this is The Biggest Story In The World, Ever. We can't get away from it. John Sergeant has quit! John Sergeant has quit! I could not possibly care less! Please tell me something interesting!

This has been quietly irritating me for a couple of days, but this has just pushed me over the edge. It is filed under "Politics" because a cabinet minister has been remarking on the story on Question Time. WHY is this coming up on Question Time? Is nothing else happening in Britain at the moment? For ages you couldn't go anywhere without hearing about the whole bloody Russell Brand thing (can't stand Russell Brand, the whole incident was terrible, but please don't make me spend any more time thinking about him), and now that's all been shunted away so that thousands of people can complain that John Sergeant has quit. Hey, I hear we're entering a recession. Apparently, America has its first black president. The BNP membership list has been leaked. I want to hear more about that, if only in hopes of more gems like this one from The Times:

"Some of the information is inaccurate, whether by error or design. One possibility is that simple codes have been used to mangle numbers. For example, the mobile for a top English scientist, said to require discretion because of his job, was answered yesterday by an angry Glaswegian who launched into a four-letter torrent of abuse."

Consider this my Quote of the Day (rather, week). I think a lot of interesting ethical questions are thrown out by the BNP member leak, but I can't read about it because no news outlet will write about anything other than John bloody Sergeant. And I quite like John Sergeant, but for fuck's sake. He's a man who can't dance. A man who can't dance has decided to stop dancing. Please stop this now. This is DULL. For the love of God, give me some actual news, or failing that, several pun-filled jokes. Anything other than John bloody Sergeant. PLEASE.


TS (and BJ) said...

I couldn't stop laughing. You're not alone, dude.

A few months ago, America was getting its panties in a wad because Newsweek didn't airbrush Sarah Palin's face. OHMYGOD! She actually looked like a normal PERSON!! MADNESS!

So, yeah. ;D I think I know how you feel.

Jen said...

I read about that. That was utterly ridiculous. But - but - she's got PORES!

You know, some days you can just feel our collective brain melting?

TS (and BJ) said...

Oh, yes. Maybe this is the reason I don't keep up with the news as often as I should. ;) I mean, the most informative thing I watch is probably "The Daily Show" or "South Park." Which I suppose is awfully sad, but they're both loaded with social commentary.

Jen said...

I'm similar. I get most of mine from Have I Got News For You, and then I scan the front page of the BBC website to check if I've missed anything. There's usually something lying around for me to get cross about...

TS (and BJ) said...

The last time I watched actual news was during the election. The next day, I watched as an episode of South Park turned Sarah Palin into a ninja with a refined, posh accent. (If you've listened to one of her speeches, she's famous for her "folksy" accent... whatever that means.)

The news is just so depressing. Like, after I watch something, I feel the need to have a pack of tissues nearby because of all the depressing shit in the world.

There are so many terrible things going on I should/could rant about... like Sarah Palin not having an airbrushed face. (Sorry, couldn't help myself. ;3)